Many of you may not know this, but when True Conversations LLC began, I could barely get out of bed each day. The bright moments, the moments you all saw me participate in, like the play date or the business meeting, or even my first True Conversations live event, were my tether to normalcy. I honored those moments, because for a year and a half they were the reminders to me that life has been and will be again, joyful and energetic. Those play dates, those meetings, they filled me and kept me going, even though at the same time, they depleted me and left me face down on the ground afterwards.
You see after my son was born, began the most un-normal 18 months of my life. My body decided it had done enough, and checked out. I clung for over a year and a half to an existence and survival mode where I tried everything from holistic medicine to science based affirmations in hopes one day it would not be so difficult to just exist and do daily things, like get out of bed, and stay awake. I eventually learned about adrenal exhaustion and how my body had stopped producing cortisol, the hormone necessary for being awake and moving, as well as maintaining other hormone functions that kept electrolytes in balance and water in your body. So my body couldn't absorb nutrients or maintain hydration and if I did something that took energy it would leave me exhausted and asleep for hours or days after. It took months to find the right tests and combinations of treatment to bring me back to somewhat normal. I knew that for me it was not postpartum depression, there was something else wrong, and after understanding what was happening chemically in my body, I understand how many cases of PPD can be misdiagnosed and mistreated when the real issue are the adrenals, not your brain.
During that time, my son was also struggling and between my health and his it was nearly impossible to bond. In between my son being born and me discovering the solution to healing my body, I refused to accept the condition of my body, and moreover the condition of my relationship and bond with my son. The more I pushed to find ways to connect with my child, the more pain I uncovered and had to subsequently heal. I acknowledged and discovered pains between God and I that I did not even knew existed from the time I was an infant, I sought closure around the circumstances of how I was conceived which healed not just myself but also my birth mother.
True Conversations became clear to me during my toughest phase of life to date. It was that fall off of my pedestal of Super Mom and Super Business Woman, that taught me the necessity for transparency to build trust and connection, which is required in leadership in family, careers and community. If we want to empower others, we must re humanize ourselves.
When every ounce of energy was used to sustain life, to give life to another human being, and to feed that other human being, how on Earth was it that during THAT time, my heart showed me what I was meant to create NOW?
When my heart tugged at me to get started with True Conversations NOW and not later, last December, I literally told myself I was not in any condition to do anything new. But my heart said, "Start now, learn as fast as you can, so it can be ready to take off when the world needs it to."
I now understand why I had to start a year ago. Look around, it is now so glaringly obvious that as a community we are needing a shift in how we communicate with each other, and aren't you too feeling it? Aren't you CRAVING transparency, and realness in every aspect of your life? Aren't you ready to speak your own truths and to uplift others by sharing your imperfections with purpose? Isn't it time to re learn how to disagree with one another respectfully and to build coalitions, to stamp out fear and hate through seeing the other side as a human being and not a headline, and to understand one another with an emotional maturity greater than a teenager's?
I cannot believe the miracles, the connections, the fearlessness that has manifested over the course of the past 365 days. I learned to follow my feelings first and foremost and to follow them with fearless action that could trust 100% in my intentions and heart. I learned to approach anyone of any level of fame and speak openly and earnestly to them as a person rather than a celebrity. I learned the power of QUIET CONNECTING time with myself, with the Universe, with God, with my Heart. I learned to listen more than speak, and to ask for help no matter why and how often I needed it. I learned all of these things because for the first time in my life I could no longer do it all. I could barely breath each day or stay awake, and so for survival I put aside so many dis-serving thoughts about guilt, and strength and opened myself up to vulnerability and redefining what love really is.
These lessons were all brought to me because my son challenged my body, mind and spirit in the deepest of ways just by arriving into our lives. My spirit knew not to settle, not to give up and to continue asking, "What is this trying to teach me? What is this propelling me to do that I otherwise wouldn't?" Now my spirit knows that this was planned all along. I needed to fall flat on my face to go down to the barest of bones to realize what my past careers, experiences and failures had been setting me up to create for the benefit of everyone.
I am endlessly grateful. I have been since I was born. When it comes to favors, to helpers, to my village, my memory is like a steel trap, I never forget kindness, I never take anything for granted. Thank you to everyone who held me up, who believe in this vision and who have shared themselves with others through the podcasts, blog, live events and who are now finding ways to help expand who we help.
This company, True Conversations, is a platform where every voice can be heard. This platform is your platform. This movement is your movement. This culture, if you want it to be, can be your new normal culture. I invite you to become involved, to collaborate, to contribute. Reach out and chat with me, share your heart and we can see if there is a way for your tugs for 2017 to be a part of this REVOLUTION in how we COMMUNICATE, how we LEAD, how we LOVE.