VOE Episode 5: Finding Your Tribe

Are you surrounded by people with whom you have little in common with? Do you feel ‘at home’ with the people in your life? Do you feel ‘seen’ by your friends? The people you work with? In other words – do you have folks in your life that “get” you? By the end of this episode, you will walk away with 6 recommendations of how you can assemble your tribe or make some modifications.

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Hi and welcome back to “A Woman’s Heart” podcast show, on the TRUE Conversations Network, I’m your host Edna Howard, Founder of Voices of Encouragement, an organization designed to empower women.

You can learn more about True conversations network at:

www.true-conversations.com and more about Voices of Encouragement at www.voicesofencouragement.com/

I’m so excited you decided you to join me for another empowering message.  Think of me as your Chief Encouragement Officer as we explore the importance of “Finding Your Tribe”.  Are you surrounded by people with whom you have little in common with? Do you feel ‘at home’ with the people in your life? Do you feel ‘seen’ by your friends? The people you work with? In other words – do you have folks in your life that “get” you? By the end of this episode, you will walk away with 6 recommendations of how you can assemble your tribe or make some modifications. In a nutshell, your tribe should consist of people you want in your life because they share common interests, challenge your thinking, all while loving you unconditionally – much like a kindred spirit.

I’m a woman of faith so I’ll start from the Faith perspective; for God’s word is my source for encouragement and wisdom. I look to scripture for guidance in how to increase my faith, to make it bigger than my fears and strengthen my confidence.

Scripture tells us in Proverbs 27:17(NIV) “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

The conversation today is about “Finding Your Tribe”.  I know I can’t be alone in my desire to be part of something bigger than myself (a tribe), so if you’re jonesing to find yours, let me share with you some ways you can find your tribe.

 

Over the years I have realized that having friendships is different to belonging to a tribe or tribes.

 

What do I mean by ‘tribe?

 

I define a tribe as a group of people who share similar values and interests.  When you’re a part of right tribe you feel a great sense of kinship. You’re surrounded by people you can really connect with and you can comfortably be yourself. A tribe can also provide a supportive space in which you can grow and thrive.

Some of you may find yourself part of more than one tribe. THAT IS AWESOME!

What’s important to remember is to stay the course to identify people who you resonate with and vice versa; where you experience a deep sense of safety and connection. You will never find yourself having to apologize for how amazing you are – you will be celebrated without hesitation as you evolve, grow, and reach your goals.

Dr. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve Learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you make them feel.”

Said differently, people will either lift you up or bring you down but they never leave you just the same.  I want you to ask yourself if the people you’re hanging out with or working with for 8 hours a day lift you up or bring you down.  If it’s the latter then we need to work on getting you into the right tribe, where you can thrive, not just survive.

I have just a couple of questions to ask you first.  If you can, put me on pause and grab a piece of paper and a pen; you may want to write these down for further reflection.

1.   Who do your spend most of your time with? Do they lift you up or bring you down?

2.   What are you passionate about (sports, art, travel, music, food, literature?)

3.   What will your ideal tribe look like? More importantly, how would they make you feel?

These thought-provoking questions are designed to get you thinking about what it will take to get you going in right direction to “FINDING YOUR TRIBE”.

Now, before I put on my Chief Encouragement Officer’s hat, I would like to share with you a tribe that my husband and I are part of.  Once a month we meet up with some likeminded couples and we try out different restaurant’s in the area.  We get together to hang out and talk about everything under the sun we enjoy each other’s company and personalities, we laugh until we cry, and we encourage and lift each other spirits.

In preparing for this podcast, I came across an incredibly informative blog by bestselling author Dr. Lisa Rankin that helped me shape and define six solid recommendations to help you “Find Your Tribe”:

They are:

·      Like Yourself

·      Be Intentional

·      Discover What Lights You Up

·      Be Brave

·      Don’t Judge

·      Take Action and Connect

Mark Twain said, “The secret to getting ahead is getting started”

So, let’s get started!

But before I do let me share my personal affirmation with you – saying it out loud to myself every morning gets me excited and keeps moving forward with my personal goal of growing Voices of Encouragement to empower all women. 

AFFIRMATION

I’m a powerful purpose driven woman on a mission

In 2017 I assumed this position

Thanking God for my direction and clarity, cause he’s my creator He chose this career for me

So just sit back, step back, and watch me flow, cause VOE, we are on the grow

We keep showing, suiting, stepping up to the plate

Believe extreme success if our only fate

And as break pass this invisible wall of fear

Let me keep real and be very clear

If you think you know you have no idea

Know idea is what you have

Cause I’m supercharged I’m highly powered

I’m bad to the bone the name is Edna E. Howard

 

Like Yourself

 

You’ve got to know and like yourself before you can successfully identify your Tribal Members; it is vital!

 

Because, if you have not accepted who you are and truly LIKE yourself; the remaining recommendations I present – even if you follow them perfectly, you will struggle in finding your positive and supportive tribe.

 

This point should deeply resonate with you. GET COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF!  I always say to my girlfriends in my tribe LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND WHOS YOU ARE!

 

If you must do some deep self-development and reflection work, then do it.  It is so worth the effort!

 

As you get comfortable and confident in who you are and what you like - your tribe will show up and you will attract those people who have the same interests as you.

 

Be Intentional

 

When you’re ready to find your tribe, put it out there! Set clear intentions. Ask God to show you who you need to get connected to.  Let go of self-sabotaging behaviors and toss them away. Open your mind up to the possibilities!

 

When attracting like-minded people into your life it’s important to be crystal clear on whom exactly you want to spend time with and why. Ask yourself:

 

·      What do I want? (Be specific)

·      What feels good to me

·      Why do I want to spend time with this type of person?

·      What would it feel like to have a tribe?

 

Get clear on who, what, and why.

 

For example, I stood up Voices of Encouragement to give women an opportunity to connect with other like-minded women.  Such as women who:

 

1.   Were running their own business

2.   Focused on self-development

3.   Spirituality, and who were open and supportive.

 

My ‘why’ was to not only to be inspired and encouraged but to be able to give back to the community of women (Voices of Encouragement can be one of your tribes!)

 

The awesome news is, when I got clear, I founded and created my encouragement/empowerment tribe!

 

Call To Action: I encourage you to meditate on those four questions, and once you have your answers, start to seek out additional like-minded people who can connect.  “Find Your Tribe”.

 

 

 

Discover What Lights You Up

Oprah Winfrey said, “Passion is energy, Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you”.

 

If you’re having trouble working out who it is that you want to spend time with, consider your passions.

 

·      Are you passionate about sport, art, travel, music, literature?

·      What do you spend your spare time doing or dreaming about?

 

Once you have narrowed down your interests then link specific activities to those parts of your life that light you up.

 

If you want to explore your creativity, why not attend art class? If you’re a keen reader consider joining a local book club (or start your own!). If health and fitness is your thing, connect with a Cross Fit group.

 

The point is, if you align your passions with specific activities, you are more likely to be surrounded by like-minded individuals and closer to finding your kindred crew. “FIND YOUR TRIBE”

 

Be Brave

 

It’s true, you must be brave and put yourself out there when looking for your ideal tribe.

 

You can’t just sit on your butt and hope that all these awesome new people are going to waltz into your life.

 

You need to put your desires out into the world and be specific in who you want to attract. You could connect with people on social media, blog about the tribe you desire, attend different classes that are aligned to your passions. The sky’s the limit in how you can go about finding your tribe, be creative and be brave!

 

You will be surprised, when you put yourself out there you will magnetize the right people into your world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

DON’T Judge

 

It’s so easy to judge others. We can do it daily especially when we feel vulnerable. But when you’re seekng out a new crowd of people you need to take off your ‘judgmental hat’.

 

Someone from your tribe might be standing right next to you in the grocery store, but if you label him/her as “other” because you are mentally finding things to dislike them for.  An example of this is, her hairstyle or her fashion sense or what she put in her shopping cart.  You could walk right by the person who could have added light to your life. Instead of judging someone, dare to smile and make eye contact.  Look past the surface into the beauty and resonance of that person’s soul.

 

So, what if the girl in your art class has crazy pink hair and random face piercings. Does it really matter that the girl in your book group doesn’t smile a lot?

 

Instead of judging someone look past the surface and see if you connect with them as a person.

 

Stay open because you never know, this person could be a kindred spirit and the key to “finding your ideal tribe”.

 

Take Action and Connect

 

When you discover people who light you up, be bold and take action.

 

Tell them how much you enjoy spending time with them and you admire them. Don’t hold back in showing your respect, but don’t go overboard either. You don’t want to scare them away!  But do take action.

 

Ask if you could join their inner circle (if they have one). Or start your own inner circle of kindred spirits and invite them to connect. You could start a private Facebook Group, group chat (very popular) or a weekly face-to-face meet up.

 

Create a forum for you to genuinely and regularly connect with your new kindred spirits.

 

I would like to share how I found my most recent Voices of Encouragement tribal member because she took action. At the last Voices of Encouragement Empowerment workshop, I had a sharp young lady to approach me and give me her business card, she said: “I want to know how I can help you with Voices of Encouragement.”   I was very impressed with her honesty and bravery.  She was intentional she knew she wanted to become part of something bigger than herself, so she asked for what she wanted.  We met up and after chatting for a little while we realized we were kindred spirits and we had a lot in common. My point is if you know what you like and what you want your tribe to look like “Leap Afraid” and ask for it.

 

Remember - Action creates momentum. And the more regularly you connect with others the deeper your relationships will become and the more benefits you will enjoy.

 

 

HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR TRIBE YET?  If not, I just gave you a roadmap to help find your path, and link up with others who are waiting to make positive change in the world along with you.

 

Remember, it is still up to you to make yourself feel great when you connect to those around you they will add to your life experiences.

 

Questions from the listening audience:

Two weeks ago, I sent out an email blast asking VOE listeners to send me questions they’d like me to try to answer.

Thank you, Elisa-Ruth Nelson, for submitting the following question, it actually aligns nicely with this week’s show.

Why is it important for a woman to have the “right” people around her?

Elisa-Ruth – Bottom line, when you have the right people surrounding you – you will be empowered to grow and be your best!  

Some people can be parasites. They suck the life right out of you.  They can take your energy and maybe some of your tangible resources as well. You can put spending time with them in the same category as eating nachos on the couch.

So what makes someone the “right” person to spend time with? And what are the benefits of surrounding yourself with these people?

“Right” people

The right people aren’t saints, or at least they don’t have to be. They might spend their winter holidays helping starving children in Africa, or they may simply encourage you to hit the gym more. The right people you’re looking for are positive, happy people that enrich your life. Where are they hiding?  The right people can be found everywhere:

ü  Family members

ü  Friends

ü  Coworkers

ü  Acquaintances that frequent the same coffee shop

SOUND LIKE YOUR TRIBE!!!!

 

They are people that will inspire you to be a better person, provide you with motivation to achieve your goals, empower you to make the changes you need to succeed and cheer on your success.

In the workplace, good people tend to be productive people. They’re organized, create schedules, and don’t get easily distracted from the end goal. And all this help you be more productive!

It’s important to note that “right” does not mean similar. Too much of the same thing can inhibit your growth. You want to seek diversity and healthy arguments. You should have an eagerness to soak up knowledge, and differing perspectives can help you with that.

Surrounding yourself with the “Right” people sounds a lot like “Finding your Tribe!”

Think About the People You Spend the Most Time With

A quick exercise to conduct this week:  Write down the qualities of the people you spend the most time with. Would you call them positive people? Happy? Now think of how they interact and affect you.

·       Do they make you feel like you have what it takes to reach your goals?

·       Do they support you?

·       Do they make you feel attractive?

·       Do you feel happy and energized after spending time with them?

If you answered “yes” to these questions, you’re probably already surrounded by the “right” people.

Sounds like you are “Finding your Tribe”!

Thanks so much for listening in.

If you have enjoyed our time together please share this podcast, or tell a friend about it.  Mark your calendars for the upcoming Voices of Encouragements Women’s Empowerment Workshop scheduled for Saturday, June 9th. For more information email me at Voemetoday@gmail.com.

 

Have a triple P Week: Powerful, Positive, and Productive

 

Until we meet again remember Ephesians 4:11 “Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called